They’ve Freed a Cabinet War

This is one of the instances in life when I really do think that all concerned would feel a whole lot better if they decided to take things literally. People rightly have suspicions that any semblance of governmental harmony is straining at the seams. This is what happens when you play an internal party argument out on the national stage. We’re an inch or two away from a full-blown guns blazing no prisoners taken Cabinet war.

But just think about how much more satisfying it would be if it was proper warfare. The daring kind with actual consequences rather than this endless sniping back and forth via the media. May would leap up onto a table with shotgun in hand, ready to rally the few remaining troops who actually recognise her leadership. She’s got her foes of course. The good news for her is that they’re a band of disparate splinter groups.

The main chap, the one who sees himself as a commanding general of the days of yore, is one insufferably smug Jacob Rees-Mogg. He’s got eager acolytes allied to his cause but when the shit hits the fan, the chips are down and the bullets are flying, are they really going stand true to the pretender to the throne? But of course, the honourable or otherwise member for the 1800s isn’t the only one battling the PM for dominance.

As usual, Boris is there. With a bandana wrapped around a ridiculous expression, he’s waving an oversized weapon around as if he’s compensating for something or other. And Gove is still creeping about with a pea-shooter. I’m sure there are others out there making up their own eager armies of one, poised to join the fray. It would be an apocalyptic shootout but there would definitely be a certain level of catharsis for whoever survived, don’t you think?


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