Exodus of the Plastic Straws

So good things can actually still happen? That’s something of a relief. We’ve had yet more obfuscation regarding Brexit, another tragic school shooting in America and I briefly agreed with something Donald Trump said. He’s now shattered the illusion of having a not terrible idea by doubling down, offering batshit incentives and being generally awful but for a moment I was vaguely on board. If he manages to ban bump stocks that will be a demonstrably good development of his presidency.

As for his armed teachers plan, it does actually have one or two points in its favour. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far worse than just banning the weapons altogether but apparently that’s just not possible. It could be a deterrent, sure, and having armed individuals on the scene could help. But it’s also admitting that school shooters are irredeemable and therefore should be shot by their own educators.

Plus, it would seem (according to Jeremy Hunt, bastion of all unassailable fact) that there is no way forward to Brexit without swanning out of as many customs unions as possible. Bollocks. Still, no one seems to understand what Brexit means and how any potential success is going to be made of it. But to suggest we should just quietly leave everything the way it was would be akin to treason, obvs.

Fear not though, good news is on the horizon. You know that depressing documentary series about how all humans are awful and screwing up the environment for the rest of recorded time? Yeah, Blue Planet. Well, it’s actually had some of a positive impact in that there are rumblings about maybe banning plastic straws. That move will definitely reverse all the damage we’ve done, the temperatures will shoot back down to manageable levels and the clownfish will at long last be able to roam free.


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