Perhaps cure is ever so slightly hyperbolic. The simple solution is basically just to ban the President from Twitter so that we can’t spread racist propaganda quite as easily (he still has a mouthpiece who’ll do it from the White House and there’s no stopping the motormouth of the idiot hatemonger whilst out in public).
There’s no getting away from the fact that large groups of people are still permitted to make ridiculously masochistic decisions (*cough* Brexit *cough*) but surely it’s not too much of a step to try and get away from facilitating the delivery of such toxic bile? Even weak and wobbly Theresa May who was so good as to endure Trump’s pawing at her so that he could hold her hand down some scary stairs, has denounced Trump’s retweets of three Islamaphobic videos. What a gutsy leader that gal is. And of course, when he tweeted his disapproval of her statement, he tagged the wrong Theresa May.
To many, this is just more shit for the pile. Even before coming out of the closet as a racist pot-stirrer (to be fair, he hasn’t really tried all that hard to hide it), he was still an accused sexual predator, stupid misogynist with outright disdain for the poor (my evidence? His Twitter timeline and the tax plan he’s so desperate to shove down the throats of the American people that many legislators have admitted is crafted to serve their high rolling donors).
Impeachment would be a lovely Christmas present for the world, it would prove that there really is a low bar for the leadership of the free world that Donald has absolutely failed to clear. On top of that, I’d like a reversal of Brexit and a large ice cream sundae. It’s simply not going to happen. However, I have not yet lost my faith in the Mueller probe which probably won’t be wrapped up any time soon but should take down the colluding bigot. Then Donald should get kicked off all forms of social and regular media just for good measure.
Brexit has become a soulbendingly wearisome issue. The simple act of pulling out of the EU just isn’t going away, no matter how many people wish it would. Equally, the fact that the UK is going to have to pay through the nose for the privilege (if that’s how you like to think of it) of doing so, in spite of the number of folk who claimed that they’d have to ‘whistle for’ such sums from us.
I still don’t really understand what people who voted Leave thought they were voting for. How many times a day do you personally feel oppressed by an EU regulation like some kind of legislative Regina George? The words parliamentary sovereignty and similar were chucked around with confidence and panache. There didn’t seem to be any concerns about trade deals. Sure, I never paid all that much attention to the arguments of the opposite camp but how is it that they still can’t put up any concrete evidence about this being a positive move for Britain?
Look, I promise right now that I definitely won’t say anything even resembling the lines of ‘I told you so.’ I’d love to think I’m not quite that petty. However, at this point in time I can’t help but feel that we’re going to get an almighty kicking courtesy of this process and precious little else to show for it.
It seems to me (and I promise I haven’t shamelessly ripped off any of this thinking from a sci-fi novel – double points if you can figure out which though) that there’s only one way forward. And it just so happens to be another referendum that has to pan out before March 2019. It will give folk the opportunity to leave Britain. We’ll set up a new border, nominally around the north-south divide line wherever that is. Then anyone who wants to stay in the EU will be obliged to move down to the new nation of Angleterre.
Basically, if I can’t have my own way in the future of the country I live, we’ll make our own. With blackjack. And hookers (if you pick up on both references I will fashion you your own tinfoil crown).
The bald unvarnished truth just isn’t trendy any more. Too many successive masters of spin have had their way with facts to the point that straight talking just doesn’t happen any more. It would seem that die-hard supporters of Trump are down to ‘he speaks his mind’ as something to be regarded in his favour over other ‘politicians’. Then again, we, the general public, simply can’t be trusted with what’s really going on.
This is clearest in the ongoing omnishambles that is Brexit. I know it’s not going to be reversed (and yet a tiny optimistic bit of me can’t help but hope that it might. I mean, honestly, how can anyone be convinced that it will actually have any demonstrable benefit. We’re allowed to change our mind about stuff, we switch between Labour and Conservative every decade or so) but every progression seems to be met with even more disaster and ever increasing shame.
The latest development is the Brexit impact reports commissioned by the government. Those in charge would really rather the information doesn’t get released, even to parliament rather than the general public. But there was a vote and so they have to. And yet they’re not going to or are at least going to try and pull a sneaky fast one through the miracle of subterfuge that is redaction.
They’ve said something weak about commercially sensitive information in there. However, it’s obviously just that the picture is getting steadily more awful but they’re all unstoppably full steam ahead. If the forecasts were to come out now then there might be a chance of slamming the brakes on this juggernaut to obscurity and penury. So there’s definitely going to be some fallout regarding this latest example of twisted logic. But it won’t be the dyed in the wool blowhards who are totally up for Brexit no matter what. They’ll find a scapegoat who was always a little bit on the fence who’ll be blamed for everything.
I mean, who really cares about what any of the news headlines were this morning? Because Meghan Markle’s getting married (to a prince but that’s ultimately a side issue). I just can’t believe they have the nerve to get married in the same year as me. Anyway, there will be plenty of copy on this topic tomorrow so I’m sure I’ll still get a chance to vent my feelings then (essentially, great news for two people but I just don’t especially care).
Anyway, it’s so hard to keep up with the complex constantly shifting tangled web that is international relationships. It can be next to impossible to remember who has fallen out with whom. Obviously, whether the general public want to be or not, America is snuggling up to Russia, there are general disagreements in the Middle East and the UK is currently flipping the bird to the largest trading bloc in the world.
But there are less well publicised friendships that occur in a more low key fashion behind the scenes. Maybe the leaders have particular things in common or have just managed to strike up a connection during some summit or other. However, Romeo and Juliet fashion, it’s not something that can go public due to certain tensions (some of which their beginnings cannot actually be remembered). So the big cheeses have to keep their burgeoning connections under wraps.
It’s all a lot more innocent than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe. No one occupying the highest office in whatever land would actually go so far as to enrich themselves or others against the interest of their own nation. Why are you laughing? Seriously, what is it? Are you coughing? I don’t know what could possibly be funny. You don’t pursue political power unless you’re genuinely concerned about public service and betterment of the world as a whole. Right?
I might well be sick to the back teeth of Brexit (it’s definitely an abstract concept regarding the ideological fate of our country. Rather than the heroic amount of sugar I consume as part of an unbalanced diet) but this was a little ray of distracting sunlight amongst the gloom.
Every day it seems that we’re bombarded by a hundred or more different fragments about how much worse off we currently are and will be thanks to the unceremonious exit from the European Union. The chronically underfunded (because we have to send even more money to the EU than when we were a member) will be unable to get the staff needed because foreign nurses will shun us and there aren’t any bursaries to tempt students. The economy will continue to tank. The troubles will get kickstarted again in Ireland. We’ll have to continue to endure the smug face of Nigel Farage. There’s more besides but I don’t want anyone to tip over into dangerous behaviour.
But, as I’ve said, there’s something to feel cheerful about. Sure, we already knew that Boris was going to continue to worm his way into power and Gove has hardly seemed adverse to the prospect of occupying an even fancier chair than he is currently entitled to. However, they actually tried to pull of a coup.
Needless to say, it didn’t go especially well. They don’t know this though. They think it was all marvellous and jolly good fun and that they are President and Prime Minister respectively (it was a very ambitious coup). Of course, given these circumstances, they need to be sufficiently protected. And if there isn’t a monarchy any more it makes perfect sense that it’s a royal guard. They are starting to wonder why they haven’t been allowed to meet with their adoring public as of yet. And why the phones don’t seem to be connected to anything.
Smash the patriarchy! Down with the inferior gender! Erm… I can’t really think of a third one. I don’t think feminism is quite as man loathing as some would have you think. Would you believe me if I told you it was rather more about equality than subjugation of one gender by the other? We don’t need to be split into separate camps. Anyway, we could do with a little bit more intersectionality in the light of this totally non-fictitious news story.
It’s been a year of ups and downs for ladykind. I don’t exactly have a lot to say when it comes to weighing into the whole metoo debate (I wouldn’t doubt anyone’s claims of harassment for a single moment, it’s just something that’s never really happened to me). But now we’re experiencing the flip side, men have entered the fray and a surprising number of them have rather a lot to say.
Ladies have become altogether far too strident, they’re asking for things that are simply out of the bounds of possibility. Equal pay? Not having their tits leered at just because they’re there and permission is just to pesky to ask for? Fair representation of comedy panel shows? To have any of these would be to impede the rights of men and that simply wouldn’t be acceptable to just under half the population. So it’s definitely not going to happen.
And to put these uppity gals in their places it’s time and past for a good old fashioned witch hunt. Of course, in the modern era, it’s important to frame it correctly. You can’t just fling out random accusations in the hope that one or two of them will stick. It needs to be a formal inquiry into the specific wrongdoing of a significant section of lasses. Think what gripping telly it’ll make.
Young people of today just don’t know they’re born. If you confronted them with a VHS tape of a home birth they simply wouldn’t recognise any of it. This entitled generation, with their ringtones and wanderlust and inexplicable urges to own property at approximately the same time as their parents and their peers managed it. They don’t understand that you have to make sacrifices to save rather than frittering every last penny away on takeaway sandwiches and rent.
Perhaps house prices have gone up ever so slightly but that’s just down to homeowners carrying out proper maintenance and paying for valuable additions like loft extensions and conservatories. The youth of today ought to weep tears of gratitude at the feet of the guardians of property who have done such an excellent job of being owner occupiers.
But no, the little ingrates keep rabbiting on about the sky rocket in market value racing ahead of salary increases. They just don’t appreciate the joys in life like going off on foreign excursions because you know that no amount of saving will secure you a deposit so you might as well make the best of a more and more tawdry existence.
What definitely needs to happen is a dramatic fall in living standards. They’ll look on the 2010s and 2000s (there is no proper name for these decades. The ‘noughties’ just doesn’t do it for me) as halcyon days when they could skip through the fields without a care in the world. If millennials have their noses forced to the grindstone, experience ever greater levels of poverty and misery they might finally give in and admit that their elders know better.
There’s a horrible chance that some people will take this post as straight fact rather than a half-hearted stab at satire. Not too sure what to do about that.