How To… Cross Oceans

We’re going to need a bigger boat. I mean, I feel you’ve set me up for that particular line on the morning of our seafaring expedition given that you’ve turned up lugging an ancient creaky rowing boat. How are we supposed to go sailing across the emerald waves in such a lacklustre vessel? It might be fine for a punt down a local stream or canal but that thing’s simply not going to cut the mustard. Especially if you’re depending on me to do the lion’s share of the rowing, it’s not exactly my forte.

So our first step is to locate something ever so slightly more seaworthy. If you’re going to get into a pet about it, we can lug the rowboat on deck as some sort of mascot or possibly an exercise in giving it an inferiority complex. There is, after all, a good reason why folk attempting to cross even the channel, a hardly vast expanse of open water, in teeny boats or even bathtubs are quite so worthy of note.

Call me a yellow bellied whatever you like, but for this particular journey we’re going to upgrade. Perhaps we might manage to get our would be pirate-y mitts on a galley like they had in the days of yore, equipped with a fleet of burly men to take their turn at the oars and a billowing sail up top to aid us as we cast off. Then again, if you’re not opposed to the notion of a ship with motors, we could get on our way that much quicker.

We could step aboard a mightily impressive yacht and make our way in style, sipping expensive cocktails and laughing as we are lightly sprayed with sea water and the sun glints off our expensive sunglasses. On the other hand, if we didn’t feel the need to look like massive pricks (I’m not prejudiced against the stupidly excessively wealthy, honest) we could book a berth or two on a cruise liner or commercial vessel. Then again, rather than going overboard on the fancy boats front we could always just go for the ferry.

Cross oceans – Chaos Chaos


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