Bank Holiday ‘Very Wicked’

How dare people even contemplate the notion of state sponsored time off? To lay down one’s tools (or more increasingly, abandon the keyboard in favour of more frivolous pursuits) for leisure time is an affront to modern society in general. Of course, there will be those who trot out those tired old excuses that bank holidays mean time spent shopping and in various tourist destinations which in turn stimulates the economy. But that’s nonsense. The only way that we’ll make our way out of the black hole of austerity is with noses ground all the way down to nubs courtesy of grindstones.

So if you’re so much as considering a trip to the seaside, time spent on home improvements or anything of that sort you really ought to be branded as an enemy of the state (my own personal plans of using the weekend to host my other half’s parents and then indulging on some downtime on Monday is obviously especially heinous. We may even go to a National Trust property, how heinous). Forget about terrorist planning to blow their fellow humans to kingdom come or hackers fleecing poor computer users for all they’ve got, you’re the literal worst.

If those squares at your current workplace insist on shutting up shop (although, shops stay open so that was probably a poor choice in wording. I pointed it out though, so it becomes a post-modern observation. Excellent, and clever to boot), you could always use your time in taking up a second job at short notice. Work those fingers to the bone and perhaps your children, or if not your children’s children,, will be able to afford that beautiful sustaining gruel they’ve been hearing so much about of late. If you relax for so much as a single solitary minute though you’re basically guaranteeing a nosedive in the value of the pound.

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