£100 to Bring Back Fox Hunting

What is the aristocratic obsession with riding around with the sole intention of tearing animals to pieces? I mean, sure, there’s a certain level of ritualism embedded in there with a swirl of tradition harking back to the days when it was more than acceptable to consider those beneath you peasants and have them flogged for looking at you funny. And yet, the upper crust have managed to cope with these changes.

Why is it that fox hunting is simply beyond the pail? Or, if we grudgingly reinstated it would we be allowed to in recompense dispense with an entirely different trapping of yesteryear like the monarchy? My revolutionary tendencies are running away with me again. It seems that rolling back well meant directives from previous governments are all the rage nowadays (it’s only a matter of time before Trump butchers every last turkey Obama pardoned during his tenure. Not my observation, merely an inevitability). I’m kind of surprised it’s taken the Tories this long to announce these particular yearnings.

Of course, they haven’t actually. This snippet of double dealing only comes courtesy of a juicy leak. This is why it’s readily apparent that they haven’t ironed out all the wrinkly details just yet. £100 to reinstate fox hunting? That payment’s got to be ceremonial or grossly under exaggerated. Something tells me you can’t even get one of those terribly dashing red coats for that sum.

Naturally, in this era of uncertain economies and spiralling climate change it’s the reintroduction of fox hunting that’s of paramount importance. Once people on dashing white chargers or whatever accompanied by hounds are allowed to frolic about through the countryside after their foxy quarries everything will be so much better. Celebrities will come back from the dead (not in a zombie way or anything) and Brexit will go into reverse. There will even be a resurgence in the bee population.

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