How To… Calm Thee Down

So, yesterday I got a bit tired and sad about this whole election debacle. It wasn’t that much of a surprise to learn that even with the most carefully orchestrated coordination of progressive voters wouldn’t be enough to keep the Tories out. If it wasn’t patently obvious from the moment she called the snap election that it was for nothing but self serving reasons it has become clear. If I hear ‘strong stable leadership’ or isn’t ‘Jeremy Corbyn the worst?’ once more rather than a sensible answer to a reasonable question I will scream.

But that’s not allowed is it? You can’t present yourself in this modern society as a hysterical woman and expect to be taken remotely seriously. We’re all simply going to have to calm down at least a very little bit. The process begins with heaving breaths in through the nose and out via the mouth, try to count to four with each action and marvel at how you are instantly transformed into a meditative paragon. Then bring on the steaming mugs of tea. It’s suddenly so much harder to feel angry isn’t it?

Having mentioned meditation, allowing yourself to take a moment or two to reflect on the innately immovable nature of your situation may help defuse your mood. Sure, it’s easy to spiral from that down into the depths of melancholia but you’re no longer incensed now are you? There will always be one or two small things you can attempt in order to make it better but in the grand scheme of affairs it’s not going to make all that much of an impact. So what’s the point in worrying your pretty little head and getting so wound up? Just calm thee down pet, sip your nice brew and consider the joys of frolicking in a grassy meadow with an excitable litter of puppies.

Calm thee down – Felix Hagen


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