How To… Eat to the Beat

Any restaurant worth its salt will bang on at length regarding the importance of ambiance. A nightclub setting with swirling neon lights and a total lack of decent places to sit is hardly conducive to fine dining. Of course it all depends to a certain extent on what it is you’re looking for.

It may be just a little too middle of the road for me to say (and where on earth would I have managed to glean that boringly average insight from? I’m startlingly original in almost every other aspect. I suppose you can simply chalk it up to my stunning empathetic nature) that you could simply be seeking out somewhere with strong enough lighting for you to read the menu, with a general absence of shrieking and a sufficiently hushed enough atmosphere that you can divine the nature of the furious whispers of the argument carried out by the couple at the table next to you.

There are those out there who refuse to devote enough attention to the music being piped in. Some will decide it’s enough to cobble together a playlist of banging tunes and leave it at that (I think writing that sentence might have aged me at least a couple of decades). An ill chosen track will jar an unsuspecting diner out of their good mood and into an unpleasant reverie.

You definitely need to consider the tempo with this sort of incidental background entertainment. If it’s continually cantering away with seeming unbridled enthusiasm then you might feel under undue pressure to inhale your food at an uncomfortable rate. On the other hand, what are you going to do? Complain that the music isn’t really doing it for you? I didn’t think so. Clearly you’re just going to have to grit your teeth, gird you loins and get ready to cram your gullet at an uncomfortable pace.

Eat to the beat – Blondie

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