How To… Freeze all Motor Functions

I am going to make you a world champion at musical statues. That way, with these awesome skills in hand, once the rise of the robots has rendered humanity all but obsolete, you’ll be able to blend in with our new cybernetic overlords. You know, and watch as they exterminate everyone you know and love while you keep yourself in something of a semblance of safety.

You may dismiss all of this as nonsense. When Skynet rises to destroy civilisation as we know it you’ll be fine because of all your indispensable skills that technology will never be able to replicate. However, think how very cool indeed it would be to ace that mannequin challenge all the kids are going on about (yeah, I know I’m months behind, since when have I ever pretended to be remotely trendy. I got into the whole blogging thing years after everyone stopped paying attention. And that’s the way I likes it).

So when it comes to freezing all motor functions, you are definitely going to have to try and pick your moments. You’re hardly going to be successful if you’re attempting to not pull a single muscle while you’re sleepy, distracted or even a little bit injured. Therefore, ensure that you’re well fed and rested and have kept yourself away from all sources of harm over the course of your life. Maybe you should wrap yourself in bubble wrap with funnels wedged in the vaguely appropriate places.

Then perhaps you ought to work on your general balance and control over your extremities (I’m definitely not in the pocket of big yoga or anything but if you could find it in your heart to sign up for a class or six it would really help me hang onto my legs). Oh, and drink plenty of water, that’s supposed to be helpful when it comes to any muscle spasms.

Freeze all motor functions – Ramin Djiwadi


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