Classy Secrets

We know that the Russian government, or perhaps just Putin in particular, has something significant on Trump. Maybe they have a delicious titbit of carrot spurring Donald on like the good little donkey he is. I’m sure they can offer up all varieties of temptation for the type of person where number one always comes before any country he happens to be running. But that’s just not really enough to justify Big D’s behaviour. There’s something more nefarious going on here.

I’m sure the dossier of revealing evidence is comprehensive and bursting at the seams. And yet I simply hope that it’s not as sordid as we might have previously been led to expect. I mean, that whole thing about the scantily clad professional ladies of the night and the sequence of events that climaxed (unfortunate word usage there, I do apologise) with golden showers in a bed the Obamas previously patronised, that was just a hoax, right?

There’s no way that sort of thing could be true, surely? It’s precisely the kind of salacious rumour that gains traction because of how ridiculous it is. Like that whole David Cameron and the pig corpse situation that almost certainly didn’t really happen but we all hope it did. Because funny. However, I’m absolutely sure that, despite of all previous appearances, Donald wouldn’t indulge in anything like that.

He’s hiding all sorts of thoroughly noble stuff from the general public. Saving orphans, swathes of charitable giving, protecting the little guy from the crushing weight of the world and opposition. He couldn’t possibly let any of that ruin the image he’s worked so hard to cultivate. Which is why it’s so very galling that Putin chooses now to hold it all over him. Sad! But what can he do, he has to keep sucking up because otherwise the next leak might spill all those very classy beans.

Song choices courtesy of: The Lumineers and the Piano Guys

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