Whitewash the Fleeting Naked Wolves

Of course they’re naked. When have you ever seen a wolf don a business suit for that all important meeting he’s imminently due to attend. For one thing, it’s a total power move for him to negotiate in the nip. Really, it’s strange that you’ve felt the need to call attention to the fact that wolves don’t wear clothes. Have you been reading too many overly moralistic children’s stories? You know the sort, where they have to be decked out in dinky costumes for the fear you might start wondering where the genitalia ought to be. I had a strange childhood.

At any rate, I would have thought that the lack of clothing on the part of your lupine visitors might be the least of your worries. Like the fact that your back garden is teeming with wolves. So sue me if handling that particular nugget of information would be my top priority.

Of course, we’re living in a very different world now. Once upon a time we might have panicked just a little but then rolled up our sleeves and got down to practical solutions for the issues at hand. However, nowadays it’s image that’s king. You absolutely cannot for one minute allow people to believe that you could have possibly let matters deteriorate to the point that wolves could run amok through your life and property.

There is but one path open to you. Whitewash the wolves. It’s so stunning in its simplicity that you should be embarrassed for not coming up with it before now. Douse the unruly pups with a whole lot of white paint, pass the pack off as some kind of mythical beast or a bunch of albino dogs. Sit back and enjoy the sky rocketing hits on that YouTube video while you hide inside having paid someone else to deal with the wolf infestation. They offend your delicate eyes with their cavorting nakedness anyway.

Song choices courtesy of: Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly, Adele, First Aid Kit and U2


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