Trump Plans Huge Increase in Migrant Rules

While I have in fact done my usual trick and spliced this together from separate headlines this could be, and for all we know actually is, true. Nothing throughout his previous stances on various issues and his depressing and numerous executive orders have done anything to disabuse you of the notion that he wants foreign people to do exactly what he tells them. Insert crass joke about Melania here.

While he takes money away from protecting the environment and pretty much any other government endeavour of merit to boost an already over subsidised military, spouts off about bewildering conspiracy theories regarding the undermining efforts of his predecessor, skips public functions with the capacity for embarrassment, insists on ploughing forward with ridiculous and harmful projects such as ‘the wall’, puts off holidaymakers and thereby depriving the tourism industry of money and possibly consequently jobs, you know he has plenty of other grubby tricks up his sleeve.

The Donald has to have a scapegoat. He’d never have wormed his way to power if he hadn’t managed to convince swathes of the American populace and their country was ricocheting off a cliff and towards certain doom. Even in spite of hard evidence in the form of statistics proving that the murder rate was down, unemployment was at an excellent low and many other, not to be sounding too overwhelmingly preachy or anything, blessings besides. But no, people wanted to feel like the victim. Plus I believe that Russia had a hand in it too.

So even though I made it up like all the stories I pull from the dangerous quagmire of my own mind, you know it’s actually the case. Trump is going to do awful things to human beings simply because they weren’t born in the country he’s conned his way into governing. He’ll start holding hearings for foreigners who can stump up a pricey membership fee for America. There they will dance frantically in front of him as he takes pot shots at their feet. He’ll begin holding musical statue competitions with a fistful of green cards as the top prize. And then deport them anyway just because he can.

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