My Crazy Cesspit Killer

In this social media infused world it just doesn’t cut the mustard any more to be your common or garden variety murderer. Who’s going to be hooked in by that? No, it’s thoroughly imperative that you devise for yourself some sort of attention grabbing persona that will ensure you get the proper coverage. However, the slight downside to this cunning media strategy is that a lot of the more alluring profiles have been snaffled already.

So my new friend was in something of a jam. There was someone they simply had to remove from their life in a permanent fashion. Please don’t judge them too harshly for this, the person in question was incredibly annoying, issued all sorts of ultimatums and wormed their way so far into the to-be crazy cesspit killer’s life that they were proving impossible to get rid of through conventional methods. And trust me when I say that they really tried. Threatening voicemails, the odd kidnapping attempt and even good old fashioned bribery.

You can just picture the scenario. Something I haven’t told you though is that this particular couple lived in a remote cabin in the woods, complete with lack of completely modernised sanitation. It wasn’t a particularly difficult arrangement to drop her into the cesspit, wait until the screaming stopped and then pretend he’d ever even met her. Yeah, I suppose it’s starting to sound a very little bit bad.

But what you shouldn’t underestimate in this situation is how useful it is to have an unconvicted killer at your beck and call who also happens to be ever so slightly unhinged. I can use him to do chores, make threats to people who cross me and all sorts of other things I don’t feel entirely comfortable disclosing at this moment in time. Not just because they’re a little bit illegal.

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