Students to be Offered Wrath of Doris

Students are pretty much scum. Filthy little cockroaches labouring under the mistaken apprehension that they deserve fripperies the likes of free education and affordable housing simply because the generations ahead of them were given the same. Well that’s just not how life works. There are only so many perks to be doled out and the immature rats don’t deserve any of them.

They have no respect for their elders and indeed their betters. Rather than knuckling down and studying, they clearly just swan through their university years, inhaling whatever alcohol and illicit substances they can lay their greasy mitts on. When they get to the other end they reckon a high flying job should be handed to them on a platter because of all that terribly worthy studying they pretended to do.

Rather than supporting the generations above they’d rather sponge off them, raiding the pension pots of honest hard working folk who carried the country on their shoulders through world wars and economic depression. They don’t even study proper stuff any more. Rather than pursuing worthwhile careers like accountancy or civic planning they flock like midges to anything cushy with ‘studies’ in the title. Then they emerge from learning institutions swaggering about in the knowledge that they can fritter away time and money as social media experts or something similarly ridiculous.

They exploit the time as nothing more than a period during which they can check out from reality, borrowing money they never intend to pay back from the government or even their own families in order to support an increasingly hedonistic lifestyles. They host and attend lavish parties, wake up in the morning with inevitable crushing headaches and then feel perfectly vindicated in missing one of those lectures or seminars they’re definitely supposed to be at.

Watch out students, this is the wrath of Doris and she is an incredible judgemental lady ready to portion it out to anyone she feels isn’t pulling their weight in society. Next up, immigrants.


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