Revealed: Russian Conspiracy to Read to Me

You know, I think we really ought to rethink our stance on these Russian chaps. It’s so not that much of a big deal to collate vast dossiers of blackmail material on key figures you want to leverage. When you think about it, meddling in the democratic process of another nation is really just lending a helping hand. It’s not like other Western countries haven’t done exactly the same thing (just in a completely different way) in ever so slightly less, let’s say, enlightened nations.

On the other hand, you definitely have to consider precisely what Russia has given to the world in terms of culture, food and general interest. And I’m quite certainly not just referring to vodka. Even though it’s really pretty good with the right mixer. Come on, just think of the last time you got into a super exclusive Russian themed restaurant. Then you went onto the highlight of the evening of a Russian masterpiece showing at your local cinema. I’m not being sarcastic or anything. No way.

I can see that look on your face. They’ve got nothing on me, I can tell you that for free. I’m always only too happy to air anything I have that remotely resembles dirty laundry right here out in public in internetland. So it’s hardly as if they could come after me personally. Sure, they could threaten people I love but surely such fluffy bunnies wouldn’t resort to such nefarious measures?

One slight oddity though, I have been having a strange recurring dream of late. I wake up during the small hours of the morning and there’s someone sitting next to the bed. Not always the same person, usually a bearded man in a dark suit. And they’re reading to me, mostly propaganda but with a few folk tales thrown in for good value. But that couldn’t possibly be actually happening could it? Da?

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