Cancer research charities, for all their incredibly noble intentions and very hard work, have been getting it wrong for simply far too long now. It turns out that you may be able to study cancer to within an inch of its life, you can blast it with radiation and other poisons and it could well appear to die but this is not the correct way to battle cancer. It’s easy enough to pick up on the fact that tumours are ultimately breathtakingly self serving. They exist only to suck resources away from the host and to grow larger.
However, what you may not have realised is that this selfish nature can be channelled in a rather different direction. They can be bribed. If you can manage to offer the enticement or inducement that particular cancer finds appealing they’ll be only too happy to leave you alone. Of course, you don’t want to fall into the trap of thinking that all cancers will react the same way.
Believe you me, bowel cancer will not be able to be paid off in the same fashion as a malignant melanoma. It’s generally just money but it’s currency dependent. Newer, flashier cancers will be more attracted to digital tender like Bitcoin. They’re also surprisingly adept when it comes to taking advantage of internet banking. On the other hand, especially rare cancers like those of the heart will expect you to go and hunt down ancient Aztec doubloons or what have you.
So, whether or not it was what you pictured when you donated to an aid fund or however it works (I haven’t been a taxpayer for very long and I definitely haven’t been paying attention) it doesn’t matter. Rather than building wells in third world countries or gifting arms to rebels it’s going straight into the pockets of aggressive tumours. Next level protection money. I hope you’re happy.