How To… Shuffle

I love playing games (the board variety. When it comes to the kind obsessed with messing about with the inner workings of the mind I’m somehow less than enthusiastic. And then there are those who insist on sullying the nobly exciting intentions of games by associating them with war) but I’m generally not a fan when it comes to the shuffling so often inherently involved.

There are card sharks (or should that be sharps? People simply don’t enunciate like they used to. Sure, received pronunciation makes you sound like a total berk but boy is it consistently easy to tell what people are attempting to say) who can riffle and just generally dazzle with their dexterity. It will approach wizardry that only coincidentally distracts you so that they can stuff their sleeve with advantageous cards. It’s been a while since I’ve played poker and even then the shuffling was far from overwhelming.

But anyway, you’ve determined that you want to impress your fellow players with your skilful fingers. That totally came out wrong. When you’re looking for people to swoon at what you can do with your fingers (it’s going to get a lot worse before it can have any hope of getting better but if we focus as hard as we can on powering through then it’ll be over before we know it. Oh, just lie back and think of England) it’s best to get on with that sort of nonsense on a one on one basis.

At any rate, shuffling comes down to a few key moves. There’s riffling, there’s… other stuff too. As far as I’m concerned, my own patented method of trying to force the cards together is good enough. Well, it definitely isn’t, the cards hardly change order at all and I get cross by the boring repetition. I just don’t have the coordination for anything more sophisticated. I might have to buy an automatic shuffler to do it for me. That’s the way to do it.

Shuffle – Bombay Bicycle Club

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