Get On With Fake History

Oh don’t try and kid yourself, fake history is very real and what’s more, it’s here to stay. In just this year alone we’ve been party to a parade of nonsense attempting to convince us (and in many cases succeeding. Of course I, in my ivory tower available for rent to those of us who insufferably identify as the liberal elite, haven’t been taken in by that manner of chicanery but I can understand how some lesser mortals might have been swayed and taken in) that a great many decisions and situations were about something entirely unrelated than the actual causes.

But maybe that’s a little bit too confusing (immigration was a red rag to a bull waved in front of impressionable sorts to distract them from what was really going down, whatever it is that turns out to be of course). It’s far more palatable to concern ourselves that which is most certainly fake. Because fake history can be absolutely anything rather than the depressing dirge of unremitting disappointment.

How else could you suddenly be presented with the information that Henry the eighth was actually a gang of sea barnacles who allowed success to get to their collective head (why do you really think that the royal line couldn’t descend through him?)? Or what about the historical nugget that cheese wasn’t actually invented by the accidental spoilage of some already questionable milk? Nope, it was a gift from some enterprising aliens who’ve been using our planet as an experimental playground for at least a few thousand years.

And almost the very best thing about fake history is that you don’t have to sit around and wait for it to happen or even for someone else to tell you about it. You can make it happen for yourself. Go ahead, get your thinking cap on and begin to reel out some fascinating titbits and see if you can get anyone to believe in it with you.

Song choices courtesy of: Val Emmich, Ramin Djiwadi and Dry the River


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