Sure, there can be plenty of times when it feels overwhelmingly tempting to throw off the shackles of civilisation and simply head for the hills. I’m sure you’ll have felt the impulse on occasion, when a major vote hasn’t gone the way you hoped it would, some slice of popular culture has spectacularly failed to live up to expectations or someone has said something nasty because you refuse to bow to social conformities on an unrelated matter we’re not going to get into right now. You wanted to flee your comfortable twenty-first century dwelling and make a life for yourself in the wild green yonder.
But let’s examine the practicalities of such a move. Washing and general hygiene is something that springs immediately to mind (and not just because I skipped a shower yesterday and am somewhat regretting the decision to prioritise an extra half or so of being a duvet sausage). Unless you happen to stumble upon some natural hot springs you’re stuffed if you’re looking for a nice warm bath. Sure, you could harness your natural skills with fire to boil a large cauldron of river water, decant that into a suitable leak proof vessel and relax in it for as long as it remains toasty. But who among the wild men community has the time for that nonsense.
No, it’s down by the river for all your ablution needs. But don’t worry, just because you’ve inexplicably deprived yourself of electricity doesn’t mean that you can’t look fabulous any more. Even though you’re hardly likely to be attending any more high society events. Given how you’ve eschewed society and all that. You can wash your clothing in the mighty stream, and your face. And then it will carry away the unfortunate accident you made the moment you realised that the body of water has carried away your only set of still-intact clothes.
Song choices courtesy of: Milky Chance and Rachel Bloom