How To… Dance Yourself Clean

It’s the first instinct when you find yourself ever so slightly less than spick and span. You simply have to get down and boogie until the grimy sensation washes itself away. It doesn’t matter what it is that’s made the mess, this is your catch-all solution. You also need to forget anything you may have previously been told about cleaning. Chucking white wine on top of that red wine splotch or dousing everything in vinegar or lemon just won’t get the job done. We’re through the looking glass people, elbow grease is a lie you swallowed like a total sap.

When it comes to the general method of dancing yourself clean don’t get too bogged down. It doesn’t matter if you’re prancing forth in a stately waltz or boogying about in a dubstep jitterbug (what do you mean you haven’t heard of such a style? It’s the latest craze with the young folks nowadays I’ll have you know and I definitely haven’t just made it up), the general effect will be exactly the same.

However, you might want to adopt a vaguely suitable style for the situation you’re in. It might just ruin the ambiance of that funeral you’re attending if you plunge into the fray showing off with your very jazziest stab at the cha cha cha. If music just so happens to be playing this is an excellent social clue but otherwise just hum something in keeping with the conversational tone and shake your thing.

One important question to consider is how long must one dance for in order to wind up clean? What if the required dance time leaves you exhausted and dehydrated? Will it work if the dancing is done in chunks during lunch breaks and whatnot? Well, these are entirely against the spirit of the endeavour and will most likely ruin it. Just keep going until you can emerge sparkling like pure driven virgin snow. I promise it’s possible.

Dance yrself clean – LCD Soundsystem

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