How To… Quit Your Low Down Ways

It is simply unspeakable what you’ve been doing to those midgets. Haven’t you ever heard of the advice to pick on people you’re own size? No, it’s definitely not better that you originally thought they were children. We really are plumbing new depths of wrong here. Please let’s not get into the murky story of how it all began. Because I don’t want to be forced to testify against you at your inevitable trial. I don’t care what dizzying heights you’ve reached over the course of this activity, it really doesn’t make it acceptable.

Rather than continuing in this destructive pattern, we could always have a crack at breaking your habit. Obviously it’s highly possible that I’ve already talked extensively about this particular topic but you’ve taken things to a whole new level. This merits a brand new lecture. Congratulations to you.

What are you talking about, your actions don’t come close to what I get up to? Well, for one thing my private life is off the table and for another I didn’t know you knew about that. Anyway, it’s you we’re judging at this point in time. That’s much more fun. But before we abruptly depart from this line of discussion how precisely did you find out? Have you been installing cameras again? I thought we’d already had this conversation. It’s just creepy.

Nevertheless, in the endeavour of stopping you could try going cold turkey. Then again, turkey isn’t even half as delicious as chicken and how would cramming your gullet full of tepid poultry help you stop doing that thing everyone disapproves of so whole heartedly? There are plenty of other methods of making life more difficult for yourself to the point where you basically have no other option but to give up. It’s kind of my thing, you may have noticed. Like arming the little people so that you’ll get your arse handed to you on a more semi-regular basis.

Quit your low down ways – Bob Dylan


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