How To… Collapse the Light Into Earth

Hmm, well I can hardly berate you for a paucity of ambition. I’m starting to wonder whether or not you’re donning your mad scientist cap just a shade too often. Who am I to judge? Perhaps you’re looking to collapse the light into earth for purely benevolent reasons and I’m simply leaping to entirely groundless conclusions. We shall see. However, it’s probably worth saying that even though this hasn’t been quite the best year geopolitically that doesn’t mean you should scrap the world altogether. It’s got some quite nice bits to it (I may have very recently returned from Croatia which is almost definitely the prettiest country I’ve ever seen).

Light is something of a tricky fellow (I wouldn’t quote me on this though, it’s my other half who’s the physics graduate. I’m definitely not just making this up as I go without bothering to do anything resembling research). It’s devilishly quick so give up right now on any notions of trying to catch it. It can be bendy and refracts into all manner of pretty colours (yeah, get me and my science know-how).

As far as collapsing it into the earth, I mean, I’m definitely fully clued up as to how to go about it but I’d so hate to patronise you. You may well want to attempt several methods and see which one works best for your purposes. Any excuse to crack out the hulkingly badass lasers as far as I’m concerned. And probes, you’ll almost certainly want to get a few of those on the go.

I think I feel a science montage a coming. Just picture yourself in a stylish and surprisingly well cut lab coat, possibly with a pair of rakish safety goggles set at a jaunty angle. There will be mesmerising computer displays and a whole array of chrome plated machines that go ping. The light will have next to no choice but to collapse into the earth.

Collapse the light into earth – Porcupine Tree


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