How To… Pay in Blood

Well, the value of the pound has devolved into next to nothing. This is definitely a viable alternative to capitulating to the demands of the single market (did it sound like I knew what I was talking about there? I could totally be an economist, right? Maybe if I didn’t spend so much time affirming how much like an economist I sound). It would be excellent for this to become more of a tradable commodity though, everyone has blood.

Essentially, I’m advocating the bartering system the vampires would be very much in favour of if they were in charge. But for this to be a fully fledged exchange for goods and services then someone has to get the ball rolling. Obviously, down the line most shopping emporia will have convenient blood drawing stations but in the first place you’ll need to have your blood in an extremely accessible format.

So the best thing for you to do to kick things off is to turn up at a blood donation drive or similar venue. Wait for them to get a pint or so for you. Next, distract the nurse or attendant or whoever (I’m not allowed to give blood, I wouldn’t really know. Oh? It’s a longish not very interesting story I don’t feel like sharing right about now. Hands off my blood, trust me, you don’t want it) with a shiny painting or a fluffy toy. And swipe that precious blood away from their clutching grasp. The sick people definitely don’t deserve it.

Now you have your handy blood packet ready to use as currency. You could try and get it valued at the bank or the foreign exchange booth but, as I mentioned, until we get this properly up and running you’re probably not going to have a hell of a lot of luck. Anyway traipse up at the bakery or the shoe shop and try and convince the vendor that they definitely want some of your blood as much as you want that pastry or sandal.

Pay in blood – Bob Dylan

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