How To… Knock On Wood

Because touching wood, no matter how innocently meant, is just open to so very many different kinds of misinterpretation. Letting people know that you want to get that much better at touching wood will probably land you behind bars or in an even more uncompromising position. People might get inappropriately excited about the prospect of you touching their wood. They’ll start spinning out into increasingly lurid fantasies and unless you want to go ahead and start disappointing said folk you need to stop talking so much about touching wood.

Instead, what I will magnanimously do is allow you to is to instead find out much and more about the noble process of knocking on wood. As with most activities, there are various reasons why you’d want to tap against this particular hard substance. For example, you might wish to be granted entry past a certain door. In which case, bang your hand on it and see if anyone responds.

On the other hand (especially if you’ve managed to make the first one sore by excessive rapping on an unyielding plank of tree matter) you could be looking for a way of escalating your current levels of luck. This is ever so slightly more nebulous which is excellent because I can exploit the situation, have you to look up to me and not be completely able to prove whether or not my instructions were effective.

Wait around for a shooting star, find a wishing well, hunt about in the grass for that four leaf clover, clutch that horseshoe made of rabbit’s feet (gross, but who’s judging?) to your chest and with your dominant hand knock gently against the nearest bit of wood. It could just work. Go out into the world bathed in the glow of your incandescent luck. Don’t try gambling though, it might not end well.

Knock on wood – Eddie Floyd


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