Golden Era for Botched Ops

One of these days surgical setups in this country and beyond are going to be simply too efficient. You’ll go in with an oddly specific request regarding your nose or eyebrows or incredibly wrinkly forehead. Then, as if by magic or prowess when wielding a scalpel, they’ll actually do precisely what you asked for. Unless you ask for something completely ridiculous, then they’ll turn you down and send you away for some much needed counselling. Of course you won’t be obligated to go but they’ll emphatically point you in the right direction.

But even if they iron out your face or whatever it was you thought you wanted it won’t turn out to indeed be what you needed in your heart of hearts. You’ll gaze at your newly modified face and it won’t be enough to soothe the raging turmoil of your soul. Or satisfy your  bubbling narcissism. I always mix those two up. Apologies.

So now’s the time for you to get on out there and satisfy your cravings for cut price cosmetic surgery. Otherwise you won’t be able to get even a mildly interesting story out of it. And there will be next to no chance of getting anything remotely in the region of compensation. Sure, your nose is basically not completely wonky but you could have an excellent massive payout to fund an incredible holiday in the Bahamas.

Now is quite clearly the time. We’re not at the very forefront of the trend so you’re rather less likely to die but the art is yet to be perfected. If you’ve ever felt the slightest urge to get lasers shot at your eyes it’s your moment. Make your eyes look like an anime cartoon. Completely recolour your skin. Absolutely no one will notice but you’ll feel so much better about your situation in life.


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