Golden Girl Laura Pedals After Terror Links Exposed

If you start thinking that you can trust anyone you’re bound to run into all sorts of trouble. Even sweet little old ladies who’ve forgotten to take the antique curlers out of their hair are actually out to get you. Not that you should be overly paranoid or anything. However, this is the sort of story that will shake your faith in humanity even if it’s managed to get through so far this year unscathed.

When you think of terrorists, or at least those with terror links or sympathies (not everyone gets to be the big balled bully boy of the playground who ends up in all the papers), you’ll have certain preconceptions. Depending on your perspective, certain appearance characteristics might spring to mind. Beards, hook-hands, tantalising foreign accents, paraphernalia pertaining to particular religious backgrounds and whatnot. No one could ever accuse you of falling prey to stereotypes obviously. I blame the media.

What may not be at the forefront of your imagination could well be the sensible knitted cardigan and stern spectacles of any surviving grandmothers you may have. Or any of the other elderly ladies who happen to appear in one or other of your social circles. Of course this is precisely what makes this particular story so scandalising and delicious. You just don’t expect such types of getting up to that variety of hijinks.

A certain octogenarian recently came under scrutiny. Suspicions had been naturally raised after she proved herself surprisingly proficient with various aspects of the internet. It all started when she started churning out supportive newsletters after a very sad incident with one of her great-nephews. Everything began stepping up when she was welcomed into the recruitment team. It was next to impossible to say no to her. But the very moment she was rumbled away she pedalled on a handy tricycle.

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