Rising British Tennis Star is Accused of Espionage

No one would suspect anyone in the public eye of having even the merest whisper of anything resembling an ulterior motive. Celebrities are purer beings than we common folk, look at them up there, all deserving of our attention, admiration and whatnot. Besides, if you were up to some nefarious or at the very least secret deeds then wouldn’t you want to deflect the interest of others away from yourself at all costs?

That’s naturally why it’s such a brilliant cover for being an undercover agent. Who would suspect a famous actress of squirrelling illicit information upstairs to the not quite all seeing powers that be? You know, in spite of the fact she could winkle her way into almost any scenario under the cover of ostensible research for her next big project. A national presenter gets to talk to all the bigwigs, imagine all the things that they could find out.

Anyone who loudly denies being a spy is definitely working as one. Not that I’m speaking from inside knowledge or anything, this would be a terrible place to air it after all. Just to reiterate, I’m definitely not a mole, plant or informant, I don’t know what gave you that impression. Are you paranoid or something?

Anyway, I don’t know if you were aware but there’s a whole thing going down in the world of tennis. Of course you didn’t know, it’s all massively top secret and if you already know you’d almost definitely be in far too deep. You’d be a moment or two away from noticing a small red dot on the front of your top before not being in a position to notice anything at all. Anyway anyway a big tennis pro has been accused of spying and they’re wondering whether it’s best to say it’s true rather than confessing to the almost physiologically impossible amount of drugs they’ve been taking.

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