How To… Dry Your Eyes

Wow, that really is one positively steaming mess. Sorry, I mean, what’s the matter you poor increasingly damp little thing? Whether it be barely expressible joy, crushingly overwhelming sorrow or whatever it is you’re trying to pass off as ‘allergies’ we all encounter moments in our lives when we’re somewhat less than composed.

Of course, such instances will naturally fall at one point or another on a certain spectrum. You might be able to disguise a tear spurt by a well-timed fake sneeze followed up with a careful dab of the eyes. Every now and then you’ll have enough warning of a gush of emotion coming on to allow you to dash to the nearest convenience. You’ll be able to get your feelings out in an inconspicuous amount of time, splash you face with a little cold water and stroll out looking like an approximate facsimile of a fully functioning human being.

But every now and then the onslaught hits you without so much as a moment of build-up.  The heaving sobs wrack your entire frame, wrapping you in an inescapable bubble of misery. Obviously, I’m not talking from experience here. Definitely not in reference to a train journey that coincided with a surprise rejection. Absolutely no one took care of the sniffling lady with tear tracks down her face and offered a completely free cup of tea.

But this is about how to dry your eyes and by heavens we’re going to do it right. Dab, don’t rub. Use something relatively absorbent such as a tissue or even kitchen towel rather than that sandpaper you insist on deploying. You could have a crack at addressing the root issue of your melancholy but really, who has the time? Stuff it down deep inside where it can’t get to the surface and wipe that emotional effluence away.

Dry your eyes – The Streets

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