How To… Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

Have you ever wondered what that special someone, the person you fancied way back then, is up to now? Of course you have, you’re only human. The unadulterated, and not remotely creepy, passion is long gone but that doesn’t mean you don’t remember how it felt. I know the temptation is there to turn to Facebook for some gentle stalking but do try and resist it.

Don’t worry though, I’ve been watching from the bushes and am able to bring you a choice selection of their various exploits. I’m a busy woman though and keep an eye on several such types so you may need to wait your turn to hear about yours.

There’s that girl who was so mischievously lovely at school. Sure, she teaches yoga and dabbles in pet photography on the side to get the bills paid but they’re hardly her real passion. On the dark streets at night perpetrators of crime are learning to fear her as the Masked Urban Fox of Justice (so many of the other nocturnal animal representations were already spoken for).

Oh how about the polite gentleman with very nice hair who dreamed of being a civil rights campaigner, eloquently speaking out for the little guy? He definitely hasn’t compromised his principles in his new job for the tobacco lobby, not at all. He’s on his way to a slightly tarry but shiny enough career in politics.

And as for the person who was desperately in love with you (whether you noticed it or not – go hunting for a comment in your yearbook dripping with hopeful subtext), I almost don’t want to say. They’re doing fantastically, it’s as if they’ve cut the dead weight from their life and is heading upwards to becoming a famous musician/ground breaking scientist/celebrated author/the next Lord and saviour of the human race.

It’s fine for you to have moved on. You’ve seen fit to bestow your love upon another and magnanimously allowed the former not-quite paramour to get on with their own life. Really rather good of you when you think about it. I’ll send them my best, probably not love. Wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea.

Send my love (to your new lover) – ADELE


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