How To… Break My Stride

For today at the very least I am definitely certainly not inciting any variety of violence against myself. If anyone’s going to beat me up it’ll be me. Probably. Unless I start spiralling or something. I really don’t know why you want to hurt me or indeed anyone who’s on something of a hot streak. Are you such a jealous soul that you can’t bear to watch someone else doing better than you to the point that you’ll immediately start casting about for ways to tear them down? Well, you clearly came to the right place then.

In order for you to be able to break a stride then you may have to help the person in question to actually get one going. You know the sort of things that will aid in such matters: supportive comments, pulling a few strings behind the scenes, making sacrifices to your bloodthirsty god in exchange for his vengeful favour. Or you may simply need to wait for one or two good things to happen.

Once your mark is content in the swimming fashion their life seems to be headed a stride is sure to follow. Look at them (me), they’re practically skipping in such an exuberant fashion as to be slightly sickening. They totally deserve for you to break their lucky streak. First off, withdraw any and all aid you lent them to get this stride going. Then call them names behind their back. Because you can.

If such efforts aren’t quite enough for their stride to lay wasted and withered wherever you caused it to fall then you may well need to get creative. Start some rumours, bring in a gang of toughs, sleep with someone important to them. Or just insult their hairstyle. Now, don’t you feel so much better about whatever you’ve got going in your own life?

Break my stride – Matthew Wilder


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