How To… Come Back Home

Oh that truly sickening feeling in the very pit of your bones or deep in your stomach or whatever when you turned in hope to what had essentially become an old and trusted friend. You searched for comfort and support only to discover that it had, for all intents and purposes, evaporated into the ether seemingly never to return again. Such is the depressing fate of a millenial slave to technology whenever the Wi-Fi goes down. 

We cannot be reduced to depending on books in order to stave off boredom or, even worse, face to face conversations. You’ll frantically rush to the magic internet box (come on, you know in your heart of hearts that router is a hopelessly inadequate word for such an invention of pure technological wizardry and wonder) and see that damn blinking light of orange or red depending on your current hardware set up. It’s almost as if some manic pixie is attempting to fight its way out and steal away with it the glory of the internet. 

Tears of anguish, frustration and the fear that the situation will never remedy itself will naturally spring forth at this point. But even those won’t be enough to get the signal to come back home (the premise of Serenity was a lie – it would appear that you can stop the signal). The universe of omniscient gods of the internet or whatever don’t really give all that much of a monkey’s how you feel. They’re rather more concerned with what you can do for them. 

So fire up the ritual blazes and prepare the very best sacrifice you can lay your greasy mitts on, even if it’s just the neighbour’s deeply unfriendly cat. You could even attempt praying if such a particular mood takes you. Please internet, come back home so I can do all the important things instead of work. I need to snoop through Facebook, to browse Imgur, to despair over the latest breaking news items and, maybe if I run out of absolutely anything else to do, publish this blog. Also, I just dipped my hair into my cup of tea. Thought you ought to know. 

Come back home – 2NE1

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