How To… Bang a Gong

Ooh, I can already tell that you’re excited. Were you a sweet little puppy, you’d be panting frantically and your tail would be wagging like crazy. But you aren’t so please do put it away before I have to call someone.

A gong is a surprisingly seductive piece of apparatus. If you ever find yourself passing one it almost seems to whisper to you. Just think how satisfying it would be to strike it with a… stick? My mind’s gone horribly blank, what on earth do you bang a gong with? What do you mean, that’s why you asked me in the first place? Well, feel free to bash it with any part of your anatomy that you deem appropriate. Take a moment to imagine that crescendo of shuddering noise.

One thing’s for sure, it would be a very quick fire way to get people to stand up and take notice of you. No one can readily ignore the person who bangs a gong. In fact, that may well be a contributing factor to your trepidation. What if you slip or do something or other to make a fool of yourself? We both know what you’re like, you could easily take a pratfall directly into the ruddy thing and have your ears ringing while folk titter behind their hands at your clumsiness. And what are you going to do once you’ve commanded the attention of the room? It’s rather difficult to live up to that level of hype.

Well, just blimmin’ well calm down for one thing. Breathe deeply and take the mallet (see? I knew all along, I wasn’t merely playing for time) confidently in your hand. Swing it up and then down into the hanging cymbal. Bathe in the gloriousness of the sound that you’ve created for it in and of itself was worth any and all distraction.

Bang a gong – T-Rex

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