Cameron Too Rich to Stop Heart Attacks

It’s the very first thing people consider when contemplating a politician they’ve decided they don’t much like. What would be the very best way to remove them from power and dispose of the corpse? Should you hire an assassin and leave the door open to rampant conspiracy theories? The rather more honourable way forward of course is to commit the deed yourself but how to make sure it doesn’t lead back to you?

Naturally, it’s desirable to make sure that there isn’t a body for anyone to discover. The immense pressure of running a country is bound to get to anyone. Every now and then a world leader will feel an overwhelming impulse to run away. The more recognisable ones will no doubt wish to indulge in a bout of plastic surgery before skipping away to spend the rest of their days lounging on a beach without so much as a care or worry to encroach on their sun drenched horizon.

But nowadays it’s so difficult to get hold of sufficient corpse dissolving acid (not that I know from experience or anything). The only thing left to do is to eat the politician once you’ve bumped them off the mortal coil. The sauce you serve them with is of course up to you but do make sure that your dinner party guests are relatively trustworthy.

The only problem with this particular plan is that we’ve had to become a highly health conscious nation. A man such as Cameron has been fed up over his years to the nutritional value of an especially sumptuous foie gras. You may have rid yourself of a prime minister you didn’t much like but you won’t have done yourself any favours in terms of your risk of heart failure let alone your climbing levels of cholesterol.

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