Patients Trapped in Gold Brick Flats

Now the problem with the NHS is all the bloody sick people (if you read that in Jeremy Hardy’s voice then it becomes several times more hilarious and insightful. Probably. At least you’ll get something of an appreciation for the sarcasm that I originally intended to drip from my opening statement). Rather than pump more useless money into it or endeavouring to give the workers within it decent pay or working conditions there’s a far easier solution at hand.

It would be something of a public outrage to exterminate said illingtons in any kind of permanent way. Such things have been tried before and it’s safe to say that it’s really quite frowned upon. You know how the white hat brigade are ever so slightly opposed to mass murder. Tedious, I’ll grant but nevertheless. No, a more tender approach has to be taken so that everyone can feel something in the same league as reassurance.

Gold brick flats had a nice enough ring to it and no one else had a more cost effective solution. Those afflicted with various maladies real or otherwise were lured to a particular location with the promise of pills or potions designed to cure them of whatever was the matter. Once safely trapped inside the prisoners, sorry, guests would no longer be a burden on an overstretched national health service.

Kidnapping, while altogether more savoury than outright killing, is still considered something of a crime. This is where the gold brick nature of the flat. Coop folk up in sufficiently luxuriant surroundings and Stockholm syndrome will set in that little bit quicker. Before long the inmates will wonder how they ever existed on the outside and start refusing to leave. They’ll even start doing the recruitment to take more lepers and similar off the hands of the poor overworked healthcare providers.


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