They do actually know what’s going to happen if we vote one way or the other when it comes to staying in or getting out of Europe. It’s just really boring. No one’s going to be persuaded by the incredibly tiny changes that will come about. So some are opting for apocalyptic sarcasm and others are exaggerating arguments to the point of ludicrous proportions and then some. And a little bit extra beyond that because why not?
It’s simply not going to persuade anyone one way or the other if they find out how events are actually going to shake out. But because of my wonderfully persuasive abilities I’m privy to information that would curl your hair (or straighten it. To be honest I don’t think hairdressing related properties are the most impressive things you look for when deciding if information is worth you hearing). So if you’re very good and pay close attention I might let you in on the big secret.
So should the UK decide to break with our European bedfellows (don’t think about Berlusconi, it will only end horribly) there are a few things that will definitely happen. We’ll want to get into better shape. We will be a country suddenly single and ready to mingle. There will be much parading about the shops in order to find that perfect little black dress.
And then there will be the turning to low fat yoghurts and protein shakes or whatever. It’s hard to know though whether or not this will lead to the weight loss we’ll be craving. Because now we find out that Weight Watchers lied to us (it doesn’t matter that they didn’t know about better, ignorance has never been an excuse in these matters) but it doesn’t matter because by then we’ll be hooking up with all the other cool continents.