Cameron Rejects TV Debates on our Kettles

This whole Europe situation has just now become personal. They can demand ever growing sums from us for frivolous nonsense like the common agricultural policy. They can try and force us to get into bed with bailing out countries we’re not even interested in. We’re even getting used to the ominous threats they keep issuing over the slight possibility that we might choose to leave them.  But now they’re attempting to come after the great British cuppa and that’s entirely unacceptable.

I’m not sure anyone’s completely certain as to what the issue is with our kettles. Someone or other looking vaguely official with a clipboard in hand might spout drivel regarding so called concerns over safety or energy consumption or a third topic in the same vein. However, nothing they say will bear any relation whatsoever to the truth. It’s down to nothing more than plain and simple spite. They want to take our kettles, strip us of our caffeinated beverages and subsequently our superpowers (little do they know that come summertime we’ll break into the Pimm’s and gin and become unstoppable).

Cameron would rather do everything he can to keep a lid on this issue though. He wants to keep us in Europe (so did I until I found out that they want to deprive me of my English Breakfast). So he’s shut down the merest hint of television debates, sprawling editorials in the papers discussing the various ins and outs of the proposition and any other media outlet that might want to get a piece of the action.

What he can’t do, unfortunately for him and his ambitions in this matter, is stop the internet from letting us know what it thinks. Europe bad. Glorious British cookware good. They don’t even do tea properly on the continent. It’s all herbal or fruity infusions. Thoroughly unconscionable.

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