Ban on Stunning Academy U-turn

What precisely is it that makes an academy an academy? After all this time and the weight arguments that have been flung about I’m not sure anyone really gets what it is that makes them so very special. Or are you calling me stupid? I can’t believe you’d say something so entirely uncalled for. Go on then, explain what makes academies so completely distinct from the remainder of the education system. I’m waiting to hear your beautifully lucid description.

Are the children coated in bubble wrap in order to prevent the slightest possible chance of anything resembling harm? Perhaps the educators come equipped with not just advanced degrees but also the knowledge of how to survive any situation through the manipulation of science (come on, we all learned so much about botany courtesy of the Martian. Imagine if every day at school could be just like that)?

No, that’s just not remotely exciting. If it was something as simply as head teachers being able set their own curriculums with a little less interference from the government I don’t think anyone would actually be interested in going for it. Surely the whole academy debate has been related to something so much more earth shattering? Children are replaced with enchanting puppy dogs and bowls of ice cream or school corridors are lined with jam. Some large upheaval of that sheer level of quirk.

But whatever it is, the whole ridiculous situation has to come to an end. One way or another, we’re all getting just very tired of that nasty little word. Having personally left the education system behind long ago I’d frankly be happy to call them child asylums or something of that nature. We’re banning the term academies from here on out, enough with the endless back and forth over a thing that no one’s interested in any more.

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