Top Cop is Forced to Surgery by Torchlight

Oh my does this dude need to pay. He did or said or brought something about that really was thoroughly reprehensible. It’s not entirely clear what the original misdeed was because the media has blown the entire event completely out of proportion but needless to say it was absolutely rather naughty. And not in the good way you just got a little too excited about. Come on, you’re bigger than that. Probably.

However, it doesn’t actually matter all that much what initially transpired because the man has already been judged by a jury of his peers. And by that I quite clearly mean that a lot of people have decided what they reckon and the facts are no longer especially relevant to making up anyone else’s minds. Everyone’s already moved onto a much more pressing matters and it’s taking up an awful lot of thinking time and effort.

The man has to lose something. After what he did or didn’t take from quite a few others it’s quite surely a fitting punishment for this crime. But what to take away from the man man who’s done this many terrible things? Do you track down a needy patient or drunk in need of a kidney or liver? Is that really enough though? You can get by without those bits, it would be like volunteering to donate your appendix, a completely empty gesture.

So they’re going to carve out every single sliver that the guy can get by without. With a rusty scalpel. And no anaesthetic. By torch- or quite possibly even candlelight in order to give proceedings the element of medieval cruelty that the occasion demanded. It’s part of a whole new raft of deliciously violent legislative measures passed by the department of justice and in no way the start of any dystopian future opening soon in a cinema near you.


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