One in Three Terrorists Dies Suddenly at 62

It’s time we went ahead and admitted it, being a terrorist is something of a dangerous occupation. I’m not sure that many, if any, of the senior management are utilising their risk assessments effectively. For example, when sending an earnest idealist of a young radical out with a bomb strapped to their chest are they really considering the emotional and physical damage they might be causing? I doubt it.

Nevertheless, should you manage to avoid such assignments, terrorism seems to be a career in which you can definitely excel. Don’t worry about such tedious ephemera as performance reviews and sales targets. There are far more exciting office supplies to steal than mere interestingly coloured post-its. I’m sure the more ambitious among you have been eyeing up the photocopier as a potential heist item but perhaps you ought to be setting your sights just a little bit higher. And think of the pension.

Actually don’t consider those sorts of benefit because there aren’t any. Once you make it to middle age and beyond as a terrorist then the odds are really rather high that there’s something of a bounty on your head. One in three terrorists dies suddenly in their sixties and I’m afraid to let you know that the suddenness has more than a little bit to do with poison or some variety of assassination method.

However, we mustn’t forget about the other two. They’re not dying in the blink of an eye after the point of becoming sexagenarians. It may well be that they’ve made their conversion to pink mist rather a lot earlier than that. Then again, it’s all in the name of whatever cause they were so devoted to in the first place so it’s probably worth it as far as they’re concerned. The quivering pile of human flakes probably won’t disagree with you on that point at any rate.

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