Kids, 4 Told to Meddle in Affairs

All at once, the children dictate far too much and altogether too little of our daily lives. Once you’ve popped out a sprog or three (or seven as my mother has told me I’m sure to have. The other half will be so delighted by this revelation) your entire existence will no doubt revolve around soiled nappies and middle of the night disturbances. But when you come down to it, the stunted midgets don’t really seem to get all that much of a say in matters great and small.

Certain reception teachers have decided that the time has come for children to be in charge of the system. Think about it, their inherent selfishness coupled with general benevolence would make them surprisingly effective legislators. We don’t need people to consider the big picture. We’ve got to have a bit more action occurring when it comes to the lesser details. Given that they’d immediately start fidgeting and want to get to playtime as soon as possible you can guarantee that things would really start getting done.

But nothing’s going to happen if they don’t make some serious plays for attention. And they’ve got to go about it the right way. An outspoken toddler is initially adorable and then becomes incredibly wearing in double quick time. The trick is to hook the adults in with a surprisingly sage insight and hold their focus by threatening to start screaming if the older people don’t give into their demands. I’m definitely not speaking from experience.

Obviously the young are essentially being used here by their educators. How else are the primary school teachers supposed to seize power? By moulding their pupils to their will they can mastermind a relatively bloodless coup without having to lift a finger on their own behalf. It’s definitely not an evil plan.

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