Giant Rats Deadlier Than Cancer

You can live with cancer for ages. Probably. However, you get locked in a cramped and enclosed space with a rabid twitchy nosed monster bigger than your head I’m not sure how much I fancy your chances. All causes of death are pretty much relative until one of them happens to you.

Sure, it’s all fun and games to speculate as to whether you’d prefer to be burned or frozen or bored to death but as the main event arrives you’ll probably feel less academic when the final curtain falls. Anyway, it’s someone’s job to quantify absolutely everything and they’ve produced a handy dandy chart to determine the better and worse ways to snuff it and have ranked them all. It’s a horrifying wonder to behold. Laminated of course.

When you think about it, it’s a very simple task. All you need to do is to is trawl through each and every death certificate, put the causes of death into categories and then compare the number fatalities with those in similar situations. This is how it was actually very easily determined that a much higher proportion of those locked in a room with giant rats come to a sticky end than those diagnosed with cancer of various varieties. It happens much more quickly at any rate.

Maybe we’d feel a lot better about our mortality if we had more choice over the way we got shuffled off this mortal coil. The options may well both suck rather a lot but you get to exert at least a little influence over the situation. Traumatic yet hilarious incident with a steamroller or poisoned by a jealous colleague? Exotic and incurable disease or killed by the hiccoughs? Imagine how gleefully you’d dive into that pit of scorpions if it meant avoiding the ravages of natural causes.

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