It’s time to get those space colonies up and running. Sure, it’s patently absurd to claim that our tiny isolated island is crammed to the rafters with folk. However, you can’t exactly get away from the fact that the overall population of the globe is beginning to scale alarming heights. It would be an incredibly unpopular, also reprehensible of course but that probably ought to go without saying, idea to suggest anything in the vicinity of a cull.
Therefore, other solutions have to be painstakingly picked over. The time may well have come for us to settle amongst the stars. You know, on preferably habitable planets beyond our own little solar system but beggars can’t exactly be choosers. Has anyone ever tested the outer limits of the fire retardant properties of asbestos? Watching the exploits of Martian potato farmer Mark Watney in that documentary last year, we might not want to dismiss the red planet in too much of a hurry.
Obviously the day will arrive when absolutely everyone fancies a one way trip to a secluded villa in a far off corner of the galaxy but such living will need rather extensive testing. This is why you benevolently allow migrants to be the very first interstellar colonists. It’s an honour obviously but one that may just be coupled with a very slight case of death through decompression or something similarly exciting.
In an ideal world those blasted off into the heavens would be the ones who are actually up for it. Then again, you can’t really have everything you want in this life. I’m sure that likely candidates can be persuaded into it. Ideally without the use of sedatives. The human traffickers are going to have a field day with this one of course, they’re already figuring just how much extra they can charge for spacesuits that actually work.