Police Spend £1bn a Year on Low Calorie Diet

Sure, that sounds like a bloated and festeringly corpulent sum of money but I would beg you to remember to take into account the number of policemen being catered for. If there were a billion people enlisted within the ranks of the constabulary you’d be impressed for sure at the incredible efficiency of management capabilities to feed them on an annual quid. Of course we’d be positively overrun with pesky cops but think of the crime rate that would surely plummet.

But there aren’t even a tenth as many police folk. Probably. It’s not like I have any official figures in front of me or anything. Even over the course of a year, a billion of your English pounds does seem like quite a high figure. On the other hand, can you really put a cost on the benefit of a healthier diet?  The technology required to make food contain fewer calories without compromising that excellent genuine sustenance taste was never going to be free now was it?

A certain former snake oil salesman (though obviously he’d snap your leg off for the very suggestion of the merest hint of charlatanic behaviour) rolled into town. With him he brought his most recent innovation on the service of fleecing impressionable suckers. Sorry, I meant to say that he was equipped with nothing short of a revolution in the nutritional experience.

He wove a glorious picture of how it would be now in the emergency services. Policemen would become super beings akin to the gods fuelled by imagination and the tasty treats only he could provide. Halfway through a daring midnight chase with a perp all a copper would have to do is to break off and slurp down an energy bar so they can surge onwards, catch the criminal and save the day. All for the low price of a billion a year for the rest of recorded history.

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