Tory Party at War to Mark Diana’s Legacy

When it doubt, return to a familiar well. In times of trouble and strife, it’s a pretty safe bet that you can hark back to the memory of a beloved international figure. You’ll be able to tell when they get really desperate as that’s when they’ll start mentioning the dearly departed Queen Mum. Sure it’s no way to let the lady rest in peace but resurrecting her memory is a quick way to win some kudos in the political sphere. In theory.

But a problem of another kind has managed to rear its ugly head. No one, and I do mean absolutely no one, can agree as to the very best way to honour Diana in an appropriate fashion. One involved party wants to throw a parade. Another is thoroughly incensed because the former refused to consider that the parade be of the ticker tape variety.

There are others who reckoned it might be something of an idea to appeal to the children to get their opinion on the whole endeavour. Immediate and ever so slightly crushing regret was felt by many when the memorial garden was proposed. How simple, how elegant and private. So very difficult to snap up the credit for such a compelling idea. Also, it makes it rather difficult to write the whole thing off as a tax expense. I have no idea why, it’s just something I overhead a grumbling MP coming out with.

Other completely rejected suggestions included an earnest yet ineffectual letter writing campaign, posters that tiny children could craft with felt tips, a hip rock concert with the latest cool cats banging out some rad tunes (or words to that effect), a commemorative television programme or possibly series of plates depicting key moments from the life of the people’s Princess. Marriage, production of tiny royal people, divorce, fiery car crash et cetera.

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