We Can’t Stop Drug Drivers

I mean, literally, they’re totally off their tits. Not to resort to gross generalisations or anything but absolutely everyone and anyone who dares to get in their car under the influence of bitchin’ pharmaceuticals or substances of similar effect is fully prepared to claw your face off rather than face up to what they’ve done. They’re like wolverines on actual literal crack and if you’re ready to get in the way of what they want to do you’ll really need to prepare yourself.

We can’t stop drug drivers. I feel like we’ve already tried to cover this at some point in the past. Whatever, let me spell it out for you in only relatively excruciating detail. Drug drivers bad. They’re so very much worse than terrorist or those who do unspeakable things to the supposedly private bits of children. However, they are also incredibly busy types who have terribly urgent places to be.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it though and that’s what makes the situation so very much worse. You could throw yourself directly into the path of their car and they wouldn’t so much as flinch. You have to be that little bit more interesting and attention grabbing than the psychedelic hippopotami flying their way through their bewildered consciousness. Plus they’ve already battered their way over your beleaguered corpse and are in the next county.

So what’s the alternative? A tastefully eye-catching poster campaign? A series of harrowing adverts featuring the trials and tribulations of folk who decide to pop pills and get behind the wheel? A well intentioned but ultimately doomed drive to rid the world of any and all drugs? That’s got to be the most likely one to work. Sure, lots of people will start having incurable headaches and whatnot but no one will be driving when they shouldn’t. Probably. Or we’re all screwed and should take something to deal with the knowledge.


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