Most Meat is Mars Barred

I’m not entirely sure I’m all that on board with the latest craze in gourmet cooking. I  do very much understand that they have to keep mixing things up (in so very different ways. If I signpost the inadvertent pun sufficiently then it makes it all just fine) but this is essentially the last straw. Things can’t carry on this way.

Sure, it was terribly interesting when they started mucking around with liquid nitrogen. We were all rather less impressed when the portion sizes were reduced to almost nothingness and all sauces tended towards completely pointless foams. I mean, really, who was the genius who dreamt up that unfortunate mess (speaking as someone who has never been subjected to that particular culinary development and hopes to remain as such until the very end of her days)?

This invention is taking full and hearty advantage of the recent recall of an veritable avalanche of confectionary. Sure, they were worried about chunks of poison or plastic or whatever it was (all I ever pay attention to is the headlines, I would have thought this would be incredibly clear by now. Any relevance my fakery has to absolutely anything in the real world is completely coincidental. Or it’s a cunning and devious master plan. Whichever one makes me seem cooler). However, such safety concerns mean nothing whatsoever to the wizards of everything edible.

This is all a fancy way of saying that chefs have run out of anything else to do and have started sticking Mars bars into prime cuts of meat. And the worst thing is that it actually works. It’s proved absolutely delicious and now there’s no going back. Get ready for plenty more chocolate bar and proper dinner mash ups. With mashed potatoes on the side. Prepare for waistlines to expand significantly.

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