30 Years of Testicle Eating Fish

How rude of you to even suggest that I latch onto the idea testicle eating fish every damn time they’re so much as mentioned in a newspaper headline. Fine, you may have a point. I tried, I really did but the lure proved too much. It makes such a change from harping on about immigration and whatever David Cameron might have been getting up to of late.

The testicle eating fish, when you think about it, is a noble and majestic creature much maligned by our modern society. If it was a little more or less selective people would probably start revering it that much more. Should the marine creature begin making moral decision and only target the gentlemanly love spuds of criminals, wrong uns and ne’er-do-wells then they’d probably be very keen indeed to introduce them into the justice system. And if they were merely your common or garden variety flesh eating critter things would be just fine and dandy.

However, it was a freak laboratory just three short decades ago that created the testicle eating fish. He was a delight to his creators who were only coincidentally radicalised feminists who thought they’d stumbled upon a heaven sent gift in the battle for enforced equality. They named him Keith. He named himself the Devourer of Man Flesh which was felt to be a little on the nose but you don’t exactly want to get on the wrong side of those chompers.

Soon they had him breeding assiduously. And soon after the inevitable escape event occurred and Keith made it into the nearest body of water and made his gasping way to the sea. Now we have a growing army of testicle eating fish teeming about our shores. I’m actually quite surprised that certain persons haven’t yet proposed utilising them as a method for deterring potential migrants from wanting to come here. I can just see the propaganda campaign now.

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