Leak Reveals Scale of Danger to UK Tourists

We are in some quite serious trouble. It turns out that the rest of the world has had more than enough of our nonsense. We’ve shipped out one too many drunken stag nights and the other countries are just completely and utterly done so they’ve decided it’s time and past to ban them. Are you actually surprised at this moment in time that someone out there decided that there’s simply far too much vomit on various historic public landmarks?

It does in fact go a little further than this but I felt the need to break you in gently. After all, not that many people go on alcohol fuelled mini-breaks where the express goals is to make as large a fool of yourself as possible. It may have become clear at this point that I’ve never been so much as invited (for obvious reasons) on such an adventure. But the point still stands that not everyone is going to be affected by the no stag party edict.

The various behaviours exhibited by British persons has evolved into something largely unacceptable. So unless we want our visiting rights to various cool places beyond our shores we’re going to have to shape up or stay the hell at home. It’s not like the other countries are being entirely unreasonable. They don’t want to ban us altogether or anything.

We have to prove that we’ve spent at least a few hours trying to make a cursory study of the language. Nothing too elaborate, possibly a short written exam with a conversational element, you know the sort of thing. We shall also be ordered to bring gifts with us to ensure that the natives shall welcome us with slightly less frosty crossed arms. Some may see such a gesture as a bribe but even they can’t argue with how well it might actually work.

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