Now Cameron’s Auntie Attacks Pancake Day

We finally know who’s pulling the strings. I know you thought that the usual process was to vote for the politician you thought least reprehensible who would go on to represent you in the House of Commons and so forth. You’re probably not going to be so very surprised when I tell you that’s definitely not what’s been going on.

I’m sure that the tinfoil hatted conspiracy theorists among you are delighted by the mere notion of this suggestion. Perhaps already you’ve started spinning out eight or nine brand new ideas regarding how this country is really run. Giant lizards almost definitely feature in one or two of them and aliens in quite a few of the rest. It’s only the natural course of things. Then there are the fantasies of corruption and how far money will get you along the ranks of power.

Well let me stop you right there. Quit devising brand new philosophies on the very nature of how a country is run. They are no doubt fascinating and when the men in white coats come along to harvest your brain I’m sure they’ll happily bring out some sort of pamphlet regarding your ideas and their intrinsic lunacy. It’s quite definitely absolutely nothing to do with that. Nepotism is and always been how things get done on this blue and green marble of ours.

No sooner was Mr Cameron elected to the office of Prime Minister did his auntie pick up the phone. She’s always been very clear with her opinions and it was time and past that someone was made to take notice. Since the aftermath of election day she’s instructed her nephew on what stance he was to take on a whole variety of issues. Her latest thing is Pancake Day. Not a fan, all that sugar and unbridled merriment. Not to mention the mess of congealed failures on the ceiling. Better to do away with it altogether now you hear?

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