We tried asking them nicely to go away. Then the approach was taken to point out how much lovelier other places are. They wouldn’t want to come here of all places. We drive on the wrong side of the road and have entirely too weighty opinions when it comes to the arrangement of toppings on a scone. It would be simply far too difficult for people arriving in this country to adjust to our strange habits and ways. One must also take into accounts the bewildering variety of accents one might be exposed to over the course of a normal working day.
But even all that just wasn’t enough to make the folk streaming past our borders reconsider. Those staunchly against letting more in had to gnash their teeth and try their very best to come up with some sort of plan to batten down the currently flapping hatches. The idea sidled up in the dead of night. For some time they tried their very hardest to ignore it because it seemed like such a disastrous course of action. Eventually though, they came to realise it was simply the only way forward. Sometimes shooting yourself in the foot is the best route to victory.
Therefore, they had to launch a concerted effort to make this country a whole lot worse in a real hurry. That meant that they lobbied enthusiastically to get a bunch of prisoners released. Who in their right minds would want to come over here when there are dangerous criminals roaming the streets? Sure, we’ve got running water, central heating and something resembling democracy. However, surely all those amenities (not to mention a plethora of entertainment channels, freedom of the press and all that other stuff I’ve taken for granted) pale into insignificance beside all those naughty folk just walking around?